Hazel's Birth

 I started writing this post last year and finally got around to finishing it! right before Kellan's birth, perfect timing, eh? Heh heh..

During this pregnancy with Hazel I really didn't do a whole lot of preparing for birth. Half the time I didn't even know what week I was on. I think I just felt like since so much seemed out of my control during Brielle's birth, I subconsciously felt like it wouldn't really matter what I did to prepare this time. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen, and I had to let go of wanting any sort of control.

False.

Yes, birth is sometimes unpredictable. You can visualize all the possible scenarios in your mind and it will most likely be the one scenario you never thought of. That's been my experience so far. But that doesn't mean you don't have a huge say in how things go down--because the one thing you have complete control over is your mind, your thoughts, your attitude...which all in turn control what your body does. If I learned anything from this birth experience, it is that what we say to ourselves in thought and out loud is powerful.

My perception of time was really distorted again, so some of what I remember happening could be out of order, whatevs.

Sunday, July 10th, 2016, 4:30 AM ish

I wake up from a strong, ominous surge (contraction). And it kinda scares me for a second because it was so strong compared to some light surges I had before bed. I feel sort of annoyed/mad because I went to bed late and was expecting things to start more gradually than this. I sort of let my emotions run away from me and Dalton did a great job at helping me be positive and regroup. I don't even get another surge for a good 10 minutes or so, and when they start again they are very mild. Phew! It's almost as if my body was just letting me know it's go time! Lol.

I think we text our doula Chrissie Millet around this time, Dalton puts on my up-beat music playlist, again to keep me positive and help me relax, surges are starting to become regular.

5:30 AM ish

Surges are already at 5 minutes apart, lasting about a minute. Next surge comes after 4 minutes. I'm like, "what the heck is going on?? These are not strong enough to be that close together, why are they so close together?" Kira's advice runs through my head "when you reach 4-5 minutes apart, go to the hospital!" (She barely got to the hospital in time, they didn't even have time to put her IV in, lol). Dalton's like "I am calling Chrissie, she needs to get here now."

Chrissie comes and both Dalton and I feel relieved to have some extra support. It's hard to feel instinctual all the time and know exactly what to do to get labor going, and Chrissie does a great job at offering suggestions and keeping us excited and positive. Kelsey shows up shortly after (we invited her to be our birth photographer) but it's also nice having her extra support and positive energy.

We start with some squats.



Dalton gives me a massage.



More squats.

I'm tired now so I lie down for a bit.

I eat a delicious sandwich made by Dalty.

Lying down slows everything down so I get up.

We go for a walk around the block. This gets things going again.





I'm hot and tired so we go back inside.

So this cycle continues and now I've got it stuck in my head that the only way for labor to progress is if I'm on the move. But I'm getting tired, and a little frustrated, and worried that my labor is going to stall and that I'm not even really in active labor.

Chrissie suggests we call my midwife, Claudia, and see what she has to say. After a few questions about my progress and surges and previous births, she says "well, I don't know it's hard to say. Maybe just methodically start making your way over to the hospital." Lol. What does that even mean? Can one methodically drive anywhere? Should we make some pit stops along the way?

At this point I am getting emotional and even more frustrated at not knowing what to do. I don't feel like I am in active labor. I don't feel like I've progressed enough to go to the hospital. I'm worried my labor will stall or stop once we get there. And I have my first (and only, luckily) meltdown. Chrissie is so helpful and encouraging at this point. She says she's glad that I am expressing my fears and asks what it is that I'm feeling. I tell her, and with a smile on her face, she reassures me that I am in fact in labor. That my labor is not going to stop at this point. That I'm doing a great job. It is exactly what I need to hear. She then has the amazing idea to simply go to the hospital but we don't even have to go inside when we get there. No pressure. We can labor more in the lobby or outside (it is a beautiful day after all). All of a sudden I feel the pressure and weight on my mind lifted and I know that's what we need to do.

Chrissie and I very calmly walk around our courtyard while Dalton and Kelsey pack up the cars. Chrissie helps me say some positive affirmations: "I am calm." "I am in labor." "I am doing this." "I am excited to hold Hazel soon." We continue with the affirmations as Dalton calmly drives to the hospital. They are really helping me stay focused, positive, excited and keeping the fear and doubt at bay.

12:00 PM

We arrive. I can't remember if we go into triage at this point. I think we do. They check me and I am only at a 5. But I was totally expecting to be at a 3 or a 4 so I am relieved. It's up to me now whether or not to check in since my waters are still intact. Chrissie brings up a good point that once I check in I won't be able to eat whatever I darn well please. Easy decision as I am starving every 30 minutes lol. We go back outside.






I do some more squats.

I bounce around on the birth ball.



The cool breeze feels amazing. We lucked out with a cooler day and some shade.

Things are getting a little more intense, which is nice, but they are still totally manageable.

I hang on to Dalton's shoulder during each surge now, it feels best to stand and feel grounded.



I think we go inside for a bit and walk the halls.



I take lots of bathroom breaks.

We continue with the routine we've been doing this whole time. I focus on deep breathing, imagine Hazel in my arms, and when it's over I say an affirmation, smile, and take a sip of water. This routine is a GAME CHANGER. Smiling was weird at the start, but even then and now it has this amazing power to melt away the last surge and keeps me going. Dalton is always by my side. Chrissie is always reminding me of the routine. Kelsey is trying to discreetly take photos, it's not distracting at all though.

So we are just chillin and hoping things move along a little faster. Chrissie suggests sort of hanging from a nearby tree branch (this sounds hilarious now that I'm writing it LOL). She even demonstrates because I have no idea how I'm supposed to hang from a branch safely haha. I keep my feet on the ground, that's how. So on the next surge I relax into a hang and lo and behold, my water breaks!! Booh-yah! I should've hung from that tree branch sooner! We are all excited as this will most definitely speed things up.

Side note: After the birth, Chrissie shared with us that while we were outside by the tree she kept picturing these bars at the birth center where women could hang from. She was trying to think of ways to speed things up but couldn't figure out why these bars kept coming to mind, since we were not at the birth center. Then the tree branch caught her attention and it seemed like the right height. Needless to say, she was definitely inspired to have me hang on the branch. I'm so grateful.

3:45 PM ish

We head up to the Labor and Delivery floor. While they are checking me in, surges are getting way more intense. But they are still very gradual and manageable.

We are in our room.

Someone turns on some soothing music. It's ocean and guitar I think.

Instead of dimming the lights as planned, I decide to keep the window curtains open because it's such a nice day out.

I labor a lot over this beautiful food tray thing. Seriously. This thing is amazing.



I'm in transition now and things are really intense and I really need to move around a lot. Squatting. Getting on the ball. Getting on the bed. Going to the toilet. Every change is helping.



All of a sudden on this next surge I feel my body push! I am now kneeling upright on my knees, leaning against the back of the bed. Hospital beds are crazy by the way. They could basically transform into a rocket ship if you really needed them to.

Our famous midwife, Claudia, graces us with her presence. She checks me. I'm at a 9.5, fully effaced. She says, "Well, I guess you can go ahead and push even though you're not fully dilated." Thank you. Thank you for giving me permission to do something that's completely out of my control anyway! Lol! As if I had any control over whether or not I could push, at this point my body is just doin it's thang and I'm trying my best not to get in it's way.

I need to lie down now on my left side. With each push things are super intense. I'm really really hot. Feeling a little nauseous. I tell my peeps and for some reason the fans we brought are nowhere to be seen. Turns out we left one outside on the grass and the other had it's batteries in the wrong way. Luckily Chrissie has one of those amazing towel things that stay eternally cold and she puts it on my head. (I found this out after the fact, I thought she was putting her hand on my forehead and it just happened to feel amazingly ice cold, lol).

I'm on my final pushes. Her head is out. I sound like "a tribal woman lamenting someone's death," according to Dalton, lol! But I feel calm even if I sound anything but calm. I can't control the sounds coming out either, apparently. Next push, her shoulders are out.

Claudia then says, "Reach down and grab your baby."

Me, *blank stare* "Uhh, what?"

Claudia, *smiling* "Reach down and grab your baby."

I turn and look at Chrissie, still utterly confused.

Chrissie nods and smiles. It finally registers what they are saying! So I reach down and grab hold of Hazel, this black-haired, crying, sticky, amazing little human being and put her onto my chest. Nothing can describe this experience of delivering your own baby! I am sobbing. My heart is bursting with emotion and joy, I just can't contain it!





I look around for Dalton, he is crying behind me. Chrissie is crying. Kelsey is crying. I am filled with gratitude for my amazing birth team that supported me all the way and made it possible for me to have such a spiritual and empowering birth. And I will forever be grateful for my midwife, who in her wisdom knew that she was offering me a precious gift by allowing me to help deliver Hazel. I will never forget that kindness given to me.



Hazel Malea Purnell. 6 lbs 13 oz, 19" long. Born on July 10th 2016 at 5:50 PM.

Because of this experience I know that no matter what type of births I have in the future--emergency C section, unmedicated, medicated, accidental home/car birth, or whatever else, I can feel calm and in control and have a great experience just like this one. They are all different and unique but they can all be empowering and joyful if that is how I choose to frame and focus my mind. I know there are women out there who have traumatic experiences (my first, although an amazing experience, was a little traumatic too). And there are those women who even lose their babies, and my heart goes out to each of them. I know that through our Savior, Jesus Christ, everything that goes wrong and is utterly unfair about life will be made right again eventually (and eternally).

B and Her Personality

   I cannot believe that our little Brielle Rose is already 1 year old! It has been such a joy to watch her grow and see her little personality come out. She is definitely her own person and we are amazed at how much she is learning each day. Here are some milestones, "hobbies," birthday pics, and other random pics we wanted to share :)

Disclaimer: The reason she looks kinda sad in most of her B-day pics is because I accidentally smashed her little finger while closing a door like 3 hours before her party :( it was pretty much the worst mommy moment I've had since she was a newborn and I clipped her finger instead of her nail haha. When you hurt your baby everything is wrong in the world!

Getting ready for cake! 

"Oooh, fire! Let me touch it!"

"This big brown thing looks interesting"

"But how do I eat it?"

"This was not as yummy as I thought it would be. Next time, give me vanilla!"

Opening presents (her boyfriend, Everett, is in the background, ha)

Taking a selfie ;)

 

With auntie Kel Kel 

Modeling her new clothes....

Love her face haha...





She loves to lie down on the ground and "read" her books

Dr. Seuss

Her squinty face she makes during meals

Her squinty, kissy face

Blurry, but here is her new swimsuit

She loves the pool, baths...water in general :)

Beautiful Baby B in a Bonnet...Chillin at Granny and Gramps' house

She looked SO much like Dalton when she was a newborn and now she looks like me when I was her age. Interesting....

   Brielle is so much fun! She is a very easy, happy baby. She loves to dance, laugh, read books, take baths, get tickled, play peekaboo, listen to music, play tag, watch/play with dogs/animals, clap her hands, give kisses, take naps, say "dada"and "mama," play with everything but her toys, and look for "treasures" under the couch. 

  

She loves to go to church so she can kiss her boyfriend, lol. But she also likes the music and rummaging through everyone else's diaper bag :) 

As of a week ago she decided that now that she's one, it is about time she became a picky eater! She loves rice, cheese, cucumbers, and watermelon but not much else...not even chocolate cake! But she is very independent with her eating and has a whopping total of 3 teeth.

She has inherited Dalton's gentleness and my sassiness, which I think is a superb combo :)  

Baby Brielle's Birthday!!

Dear Brielle,

Today you turn one year old
We can hardly believe it
Our precious little doll
On your cake one candle lit

When we first met

You were alert and calm 

So tiny, so soft, so content  

So comforting in our arms 

You seemed to thrive with challenges 

Never giving up the fight 

Inspiring in new experiences 

Tummy time was a delight!  

Like a blossoming rose 

You have begun to bloom 

With your cute button nose 

And bright eyes too 

Your quiet gentleness is profound 

Tender yet powerful 

Feelings of love abound 

We are forever grateful  

You melt hearts with your gaze

What a precious gem!  

Pure and constant in the haze

A princess from heaven    

There is a sorrow that stirs 

With letting this year go 

But what joy God confers 

When making you our own  

We have loved you every single day this year  

We will love you for an eternity more 

You are our bright-eyed happy girl it's clear  

Your life is our joy--we can't wait for what's in store! 

Love,  

Mommy and Daddy :)

Lil B

A few peeps have asked me if I will do anything differently for our next birth or if I still want to try to go natural.

I've decided that if I know that I need to get induced for whatever reason that is legit and necessary, I will most likely get an epidural sooner.

If I don't need to get induced with Pitocin I will try to go natural again! I will also still go with a midwife and hire a doula.

Baby B has been so much fun! I can't believe she is almost 6 months old, time has flown by. Here is a list of her attributes, cute little personality traits, and milestones she's reached:

Bright-eyed
Easy going
Playful/laughy
Determined
Strong
Calm
Proportional
Chunky
Loves to be clean and comfy
Is super ticklish
Favorite songs: Popcorn popping and Jesus wants me for a sunbeam (she gets a huge grin on her face and her eyes light up when we start singing either of these songs)
Favorite food: Formula and green beans
Sits up
Tries to crawl but can only go backwards
Loves looking in the mirror
Hoots like an owl
Puts everything in her mouth
Babbles
Recognizes people she's met

Nicknames: Baby B, Brie, Brie-babe, B, Lil B, Baby-buns, Brie-buns, B Cheeks, Baby-cakes, Brielly.

Here are some pics :)

One Day 

1 Month

2 Months

3 Months 

4 Months 

5 Months 

Almost 6 Months

Birth Story: Part 2

Monday, May 26th, 10am-ish (Memorial day)

For a second I think that everything that happened the previous day was all a dream. But then I see the exercise ball just chillin there in our bedroom and I realize that everything really happened, and then stopped happening around 5:30am! It's hard to describe my emotions right now...part of me feels extremely disappointed because we undoubtedly will have to call our midwife and head to the hospital with no contractions. Also, we have to wait longer for our little baby to get here and hope there are no weird complications. But then another part of me is secretly relieved because I'm no longer in labor and no longer progressing towards having a human being be pushed out of me. Lol.

Before we trudge forward to the nitty gritty, here is a cool visual aid to explain pretty much our whole Birth Plan/Preferences:



Obviously, we can cut out (ha) the "no circumcision" and we could also add in "minimal vaginal exams," because they suck and you don't really need them after the first exam which is required for hospital admittance.

11:00am

Anyways, back at the ranch, I call our midwife and she tells us what we already knew was coming: "You need to come to the hospital so we can confirm that your water broke." So we eat breakfast and get everything ready to go. It feels really weird driving to the hospital in such a casual/calm fashion...and I am also feeling pretty dang nervous.

During the second half of the pregnancy I had imagined a lot of different scenarios about how things could go down...such as driving to the hospital in the middle of the night while having really intense contractions, or not making it in time and having the baby on the side of the road in the car. Lol. I definitely did not imagine going to the hospital in the middle of the day, with my water broken, without contractions, etc. It just feels like we are going to any other check up! Not like we are going to actually deliver our baby...

12:00pm

We arrive at the American Fork Hospital. We check in and we see our midwife, Michelle, all decked out in her scrubs sitting behind the front desk. She waves and smiles at us while we talk to the receptionist. It instantly helps calm my nerves to see her. Out of the six midwives that could have been on call, we met with her the most during the pregnancy.

A nurse brings us to a labor and delivery room and it only takes her about 5 minutes to give me an emotional break-down. I change into the hospital gown and she tells me to get on the bed so she can check my dilation and confirm my water breaking. First off, I'm thinking that my midwife is going to do it, not some random nurse. Second, it is my first time getting my dilation checked so it takes me way off guard with how uncomfortable it is. Everyone talks about it as if it's no biggie, but I think it's awful. Haha. Then she goes on to say the following:
"Your water has in fact broken, blah blah blah risk of infection blah blah need an IV and antibiotic, you're only at a 3 if you're not at a 4 in an hour we'll put you on Pitocin so your contractions can be super beasty, oh and then you will be strapped down to the bed so we can tie a fatty monitor on your belly to constantly monitor your baby's heart beat and freak her out as much as we can, but I'll be back in an hour to check your dilation again and we'll go from there, peace out fools."

Ok, so maybe she doesn't say those exact words, but this is how I'm hearing it in my head. All that's going through my mind is that labor is going to be so much harder now that I might have to be induced and that I won't get to move around and change positions. My emotions start escalating and I can no longer hold back the tears. A few minutes later Michelle comes in and looks over our birth plan again with us. She says that there is another type of monitor they can use so that I can move around more and she assures us that we can still carry out most of our plan. Lastly, she reminds me to be happy that our baby is coming! "No more tears."

This helps calm me down and I feel so silly for getting all freaked out. Everything seems to be just so unexpected, but I'm grateful that Brielle is ok and that we still have the chance to have a normal delivery.

12:30pm

I'm lying in the bed, trying to visualize a rose bud blossoming, doing my deep breathing, relaxing as much as possible so that I can dilate to a 4. Just one little centimeter! Come on body, you can do it!

1:30pm

The nurse returns and violates me again (aka checks my dilation lol) and I'm still at a 3! Darn it! So she and another nurse give me an ultrasound to double check and make sure Brielle is head down. She is. Then the nurse proceeds to induce me with pitocin. She tells us to let her know when I want to get up and move around and she will change out the belly strap to the mobile heart monitor.

Dalt comes over and starts to gently rub my arm to help me relax as I can feel the contractions starting. They are starting to feel like they did the night before. I'm doing my surge breathing with each one. So far I'm keeping my cool and trying not to think too much. I'm trying to just let my body take over.

2:30pm

Once we hit the hour mark things instantly get super crazy. I say to Dalton, "Go get the nurse, I need to get off this bed right NOW." Everything from here on out is somewhat blurred together so I'll try my best to relate what happens. It is getting much harder to do the surge breathing, but it helps SO much to have something to focus on, even if I'm not doing it perfectly.

I also can no longer keep quiet. As each contraction starts, I inhale as long and as deep as I can (to like a count of 5) and then as I exhale I let out this really loud, long, deep moan until the contraction subsides. I cannot control it, it just comes out. And it actually helps for some reason...it seems to help me channel the energy downward.

The only position that helps right now is to stand at the bottom edge of the bed and sort of lean over it. Michelle comes in and asks if it's ok if a midwife in training helps us out (I can't remember her name so let's just call her "Mit" haha). I say it's fine. Mit begins to try to alleviate some of my pain by guiding Dalton in doing counter pressure on my lower back. It feels ok until the next contraction starts. Then it feels like a ton of warm bricks is weighing down on my back and it just intensifies the throb in my lower abdomen. All I can get out is "No pressure no pressure!" To get their hands off of me. Even when Dalton tries lightly stroking my back it feels like such heavy pressure. Then Mit tries it and her hands are ice cold so it feels good. Dalton resorts to running back and forth from the bathroom to get his hands wet in cold water to help ease the discomfort. Eventually even this is too much and I just can't stand anyone touching me.

Although I feel like things are just getting started, I am already panicking mentally. Instead of focusing on one contraction at a time, and enjoying each rest period, all I can think about (agonize about) is how much stronger the next one might be. And then I think about how I could have 10 more hours of this. So naturally, I know I need to get some kind of pain medication up in here stat!

**When we were creating our birth plan we decided that I would try to go as long as possible without pain medication or an epidural. So we had the code word "raspberry" that I would say if I was dead serious about getting medication. If I was just talking about needing it or mentioned that I wanted an epidural, it meant that I only needed a little more encouragement and support. Dalton and all the nurses and midwives knew about this too.**

I tell Dalt that I think I need something to take the edge off because things are getting really intense.

Dalton: "No, you can do it, you're doing great!"
Me: "I don't need an epidural right now, Nurse, don't you have anything else that could just take the edge off a bit?"
Nurse: "Yes we have blah blah and it's kind of like morphine, we could just give you a small dose."
Dalton: "No, no! You don't need that. You've got this!"
Me: "Raspberry! Dalt, RASPBERRY. I said the word now just give it to me....Please, I really need it!" (I said "please," "thank you," and "I'm sorry" each time I thought I sounded too rude or hysterical...like anyone cared lol).

So I get my morphine-like drug and it doesn't really do anything.

Our doula, Laurel, finally shows up which instantly floods me with some relief. As if she could magically make some of my pain go away. Haha. She begins by trying some lovely counter pressure on my back. But it still has the same, pain-intensifying effect. They try to get me to sit on an exercise ball and I get off after about 2 seconds. The sensation in my abs is getting extremely bitter with each contraction, I try squatting, I try swaying, I try sitting on the toilet. No relief. My main problem at this point is that I am trying to fight each contraction to ward off the pain instead of giving in to the pain and letting my body take over. It is such a mental battle!

Everyone just resorts to fanning me with copies of our birth plan and verbally encouraging me while I resume my standing position at the foot of the bed.

The mobile heart monitor isn't working very well (and it's super irksome when they press it against my stomach every other contraction). So they ask permission to attach an inserted monitor onto the baby's head. I know they've gotta be able to monitor her the whole time so I say it's fine. I can't feel it once it's up there anyway, so that's great. However, from swaying/fidgeting so much the darn thing falls out after just a few contractions. We unfortunately have to return to the mobile heart monitor.

After having put the inserted monitor in, we now know that I am dilated to a 6. From taking the birthing class though, I know that this doesn't mean a whole lot. The cervix really doesn't have any sort of time table and I could still have hours to go. I begin thinking about how intense things are going to get and not knowing how much longer things are going to take...

Me: "Dalt, I think I need to get an epidural."
Dalton: "No..."
Me: "Raspberry!"
Michelle: "You're progressing really fast, it's most likely too late for an epidural."
Me: "I don't care, I just need it now ok?"
Michelle: "There is no anesthesiologist on call at the hospital right now (Memorial Day remember?) and so he gets 30 minutes to arrive and then it's another 20 minutes for the epidural to take effect.
Me: "Whimpering....Please just call him!"
Michelle: "Let us check your dilation, if you're still at a 6 then we will call him, ok?"
Me: "Ok fine, but not during a contraction."

At this point it seems like there are so many peeps in the room, I have no idea who they are or where they came from, nor do I really care. Ha. Dalton, Michelle, and Laurel help me get back on the bed, and as soon as I'm on, this HUGE contraction takes over. I instantly get on all fours to try to manage the pain, and it seems to help a little. When the contraction is gone, one of the midwives checks my dilation and I'm still at a 6. YES!! Now they have to call for an epidural! Woot woot! I am seriously celebrating in my mind, it's kind of pathetic.

I'm so scared for the next contraction (I only have a minute or 2 in between each one) but when it comes on it is oddly way less intense. Tender mercy.

*I found out afterwards that Laurel told Dalton to ask the nurse to take me off of the pitocin around this time. I'm assuming that's why a few contractions were less beasty.*

Now Dalton is by my left shoulder and Laurel is by my right, stroking my head and trying to comfort me in any way they can. I'm feeling really alone, and so having them by my side is helping me out so much. I'm still on all fours, I'm still moaning with each contraction, I'm still fighting what my body is trying to do. With the next contraction I feel my body hardcore pushing downward. Now at the peak of each contraction my body lets out this huge push that makes me feel nauseous and the moan turns into more of a scream. All of this is still uncontrollable. Laurel tells me to say, "Bring it on!" over and over again, but all I'm thinking is "make it stop!" Lol.

They check my dilation again, and I am now fully dilated. Michelle says, "baby is on the way!" There's a bunch of hustle and bustle in the background, as if everyone is getting ready for a world war. It's been a while since I've felt another contraction, my "rest and be thankful" period. Laurel reminds me to not think about the next one and to just enjoy the rest. It lasts about 5 minutes and then the contractions start up again, this time they've brought their A game. I'm getting rocked by each one and I don't know how much longer I can bare it. Michelle comes over to my face and says that the baby's heart rate is struggling a bit and that we need to get her out now. She says that just letting my body push on its own for the "opening/thinning phase" was great, but now it's time to push with it, aka "purple pushing," in order to get Brielle out faster.

5:00ish pm

A moment of terror floods through me. But I know quitting isn't really an option at this point. I say a quick prayer hoping that everything will be ok. I'm freaked out about how it's going to feel to have a baby pushed out of me, and I really don't know if I'm going to be able to do it.

I take a deep breath with each new contraction, hold it for about 10 seconds while pushing as hard as can until I can't push anymore. It is awful. More nausea, lots of pressure down there. All the nurses and midwives are saying "push push push push" the whole time and it's really distracting. I wish they would stop but I no longer have the energy to talk. Just as I'm feeling like I'm not making any progress, someone says, "we can see baby's head, you're almost there! Just a couple more pushes!" This gives me the extra boost I need and I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

They tell me to get on my side, but it seems physically impossible. They say I have to do it, so everyone helps me get on my side and I finally see all the peeps that have been behind me this whole time. It feels like a crowd of nurses are there (there were about 7 or 8 people total in the room according to Dalton). Mit is sitting on the bed with me letting me squeeze her hand and also letting me prop my foot up on her neck to have something to push against. She definitely gets 10 gold stars for being all up in that gory scene.

5:20pm

I'm pushing and hoping I don't have much longer to go. Then I suddenly feel her head coming out, and apparently as soon as it does the anesthesiologist walks in.  Just a little too late mister. Ha! He quickly gets shooed out by some of the nurses so I don't even see him, Dalton just tells me about it afterwards.

It's a relief to have her head out. Now I know that it will most likely be over with one more push. With the next contraction I push as hard as I can and the rest of her body shoots out really fast.

The words "relieved," or "alleviated," or even "overjoyed" do not describe my feelings at this moment. I can't believe I did it! And that it's over! Dalton gets to see Brielle first and cut her umbilical cord while they are making sure she is ok. She's crying, which is a wonderful sound to hear. Once they are done, they quickly put her on my chest.

Dalton comes over--all emotional--and gives me a kiss and says he's so proud of me. I am filled with happiness and I feel so empowered. I am in awe of what my body just did. As I look down into Brielle's little face she is no longer crying and is just staring right back at me, all bright-eyed and alert. It is the most miraculous experience and in this instant I know that giving life to this precious little girl is the greatest thing I have ever done.

 Brielle Rose Purnell. Born at 5:22 pm on May 26, 2014. 6lbs 4 oz. 17 inches.

The Beginning